A big part of my identity as a mom is that of homeschool mom. I always have been. My kids have never been in public school. I don't hate public school and never have. It just never seemed like the best choice for any of the kids....until this year. We've discussed the idea of enrolling Lyrick in public school all summer. And Monday I sat crying in my room decided if I would call the doctor to get some anxiety medication or call the school. It was still a difficult decision to make.
Lyrick and I have been struggling for the last year at the very least. She doesn't want to do any work for me. It can take hours to do 12 math problems. We spend a lot of time yelling. Not really proud of that but there it is. I don't really feel like she is learning much from me. Honestly, I am worn out. Totally and completely worn out. And completely at a loss. I have asked for help from curriculum experts. I have taken classes. I have tried every program I could get my hands on and it is not working.
At this point, homeschooling is damaging our relationship rather than enhancing it. And she is not learning the things she needs to be learning. So it was time to make hard decisions. Hang up my pride and do what is best for everyone in the entire household.
So I made that phone call and talked to the secretary at the elementary school. We scheduled her placement testing. It did not go well. I knew I felt like she wasn't getting it. But she has retained virtually nothing we have covered in the last year or more. I feel like the last few years have been wasted time. She, however, is very excited and thinks it was great!
What does she think about school? She is so excited! She will ride the bus with her best friend. Her cousins will ride home with them 3 days a week or so. She is excited about meeting her teacher, getting to do concerts, and the daddy/daughter dance. She is practicing getting up and getting her "morning routine" done quickly because she is always a little slow going in the mornings. I don't think she really understands that she will be doing school all day. I don't think she understands that there will time limits on completing tasks. I think the transition is going to be difficult.
How do I feel about it? Well, when I called the school....I cried...the entire phone call. The secretary knew it. She was so nice (I think she would have been anyway). I cried for most of the rest of the day. Then I was fine for a few days. Then at and after the testing I cried again. Enough that I got a killer headache...but now I feel overwhelmingly relieved that we have taken this step and we are both getting help. I still kinda feel like I could tear up when I think to much about it. I don't think that makes me special....I think most moms feel that way when their kids head off to school. I wish I could have kept her at home but I am not the best teacher for her. I AM still the best mom for her. My best as her teacher is not enough. But my best as her mom is exactly right.
So now my identity has to change. I am still a homeschool mom....but I am also a public school mom. Really though change isn't new. I used to be a toddler mom and now I'm a mom to two teenagers and one on the verge. I used to trip over sippy cups and Thomas trains and had to have locks on the cabinet doors. And now I trip over video game cords and huge shoes and find apps to track their location using their phones. I used a be a "Boy mom" and now I'm a "girl mom" too. Change isn't bad....sometimes its absolutely necessary. Often its scary. But so is staying the same and continuing to struggle.
So. here's to a great year for homeschoolers, public schoolers, private schoolers. And all the teachers, aides, bus drivers, kitchen staff, school maintenance, secretaries and everyone else in the school who help the kids in every way they came. And to the moms who are all those things in their own homeschool too. Lets do this thing. And let's all help our kids (and everyone around us) be the best they can be without letting our own selves get in the way.
