What. Is. Happening?

There are moments - often fleeting, sometimes not - that I wonder if I will survive the raising of 3 boys and a daughter.  Moments when I feel like I am flailing about in vain and if I can just keep them out of prison (particularly the boys) it will be nothing short of a miracle.  Moments when all the calm parenting techniques we've learned and are truly trying to put into practice just don't fit the bill.....and I scream till I give myself a headache and send them all to their corners , er beds while I calm myself down and they do too.  Moments when the whole great day we just had go up in smoke and ashes....and I just want to curl up into a ball and cry because I don't even have the slightest idea what I'm supposed to do.

Honestly, today this isn't even about L....she was just a wide eyed observant to the "trainwreck to hell" that just occurred in our house (I think I coined that phrase in the midst of it).  

So here is the story.  In short great day...good school, lunch was kinda a mess, play with a friend, much needed rest time, and then a walk in the beautiful sunshine.  The boys rode their bikes so they beat me back to the house.  I walked in to WW3...over a lego.

Apparently, G took A's lego and A HAD to have them back.  Apparently NONE of the approximately 4,367,512 other legos we have were going to work.  It HAD to be those exact ones.  A was relentless.   I calmly told them to work it out.

 I got our "ponderosa" dinner (what we call it when we clean out the fridge and everyone eats whatever from that pile) on the counter, called G in from the bedroom to make his plate and told him he could pick out a movie to watch while they ate.  

At which point M (who has been playing nicely till now and could have joined L in wide eyed observer status) comes in totally bat crap crazy cause G gets to pick a movie and not him. I mean it!

BAT. 

CRAP. 

CRAZY.  

In .02 seconds, the kid went from wide eyed observer to star of the really angry freak show.  

He screams some random nonsense at me in the kitchen while I look at him blankly.  He storms from the kitchen and KICKS the wall.  My head jerks to look because I know there is going to be a shoe size 3 hole in the wall...but there isn't.  There is a two second silence while we just stand there in utter shock (for me) and then we hear the glass shatter.  He kicked the wall SO hard that the pictures on the other side of the wall fell off and shattered.  

Enter psycho mom.  I screamed and sent everyone to their beds.  Except A who had to go to my bed because there was shattered glass all over his bedroom floor.  

Oh, the sobbing.  

Oy, the drama. 

M hates this life.  He doesn't deserve to BE!  We should just make him leave.  

I call my sister (who has had a rough day) and tell her the story cause you know how misery loves company.  I tell her the story...And M hears me tell her that my house is like a "trainwreck to hell."  M thinks I say HE is a train to hell.  Hysteria intensifies.  

I clean up the glass and make my supper and cut them loose on the leftovers on the counter.  As they eat all things settle back into "It's all good" status except for me.  They are laughing and being friendly again which annoys me to no freakin end.  I ignore them all and don't sit at the table because I feel like I've been hit by a truck and their laughter frankly pisses me off.  M starts singing a song about how he kicked a wall and shattered glass.  Psycho mom makes another brief appearance.  

Now the king is home from work (he stayed late) and everyone is going to be all happy....but not me. It effects my outlook on the entire day.  A day worth of success is ruined by 10 minutes of really really bad stuff. All the good, happy feelings are gone.  Luckily for M, he only has to buy a new picture frame and not replace my wall.  

For me, I have to try to figure out what I'm going to do when his foot actually goes through the wall....and wonder if we shouldn't start saving bail money (cause its possible one of us is going to need it). 

 And apparently, I should put all the legos in a box in the attic....since there aren't enough in there to share.