Doldrums

This time of year is always hard for us.  Winter is essentially over...it isn't cold but it isn't really warm either.  We all have incredibly strong cabin fever(and yet are so busy I feel like our heads are spinning.)  But it is wet and muddy and too cold to go out and make mud pies.  And no matter how much I want to get my garden going it is not even close to time.  Plus we're coming to the last quarter of the school year and are suffering burn out in a BIG way.  Everyone is "edgy"....ready for a fight, on edge, and it happens all too often.  And yet we have to continue on with school and with everything else in some way.

Burnout is especially bad this year.  I am WORN OUT and tired of fighting the good fight. Yet we must continue.  And we are but it is not how I envisioned homeschooling to be....even once I realized (very quickly) it wasn't a walk through the daisies.  I have hopes and dreams of helping my kids learn to love learning and I feel like a failure.  But I know that public school is not the answer for my children (not that some don't succeed in public school - I did).  So on we go.  Through the rough patches.  Through the days of sunshine and roses (however few and far between).  Through the intense attitude problems.  And through the moments of glorious success.  Because although I (we) are weary now, spring is just around the corner and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  We will make it.

So often, I read homeschool blogs and they are all roses.  Some days I hate those blogs.  This picture of a homeschool family all sitting happily around the table with the older kids lovingly helping the younger and everyone playing a musical instrument and mom smiling serenely while the kids do as they are told the first time is a farce.  The craft projects, and science experiments, and all that make me wanna cry.  I mean maybe it exists somewhere other than the imagination of so many homeschool moms (like me).  But here is the truth of my household...  I am SOOOO thankful to be home with my children.  I love them all for every part of them (even the infuriating parts).  And yet...there are days that I just don't know what to do with or for them.

Today, as I write this,  I am sitting here available to help with their school work.  They each have subjects that they do primarily on their own and I stay at the table to help when I'm needed.  And here I sit all alone and they are off being disobedient.  So I write this article to spread my frustration.  Knowing they will have homework tonight.  And they will do it all lickety split, not even understanding the stress and frustration it causes me when they don't do it during school time.  I am very thankful during homework time that I have a husband who a)gets to be home every night and b) who is more than willing to do homework with them while I, well, just don't.

Then I look at the calendar and realize, only 17 days till the homeschool convention.  17 days till I get to leave the state with a friend for a few days and see other people who get frustrated, who have disobedient kids, and who still fight the fight every. single. day.  17 days till I find curriculum for next year (although I've done some online shopping) that I hope will be successful.  17 days till I get to go to some workshops/seminars on schooling or discipline or dealing with attitude problems (I've already looked at the schedule and I am drawn to those this year).  18 days till the Tim Hawkins concert and laughing till my sides ache at nonsense geared toward me.  17 days till I am only responsible for myself.  I can make it.  Even if we have battles every. single. day.  And homework every. single. night.

I guess I'd better go round them up again and try again to get them on task.  sigh.  17 days.....