1. Food must be eaten off fork....even if I smash it in my hand trying to get it on said fork or hold it on fork with hand to get it to mouth. Exception is eating food off floor before mom can sweep it up. That can be directly popped into the mouth.
2. Poop in my underwear or pull-up is fine. Poop in the potty seat is terrifying.
3. Dropping food in my lap is BAD! It must be cleaned up right away...even if that means that all the food I painstakingly got on my fork ends up on the floor.
4. The car seat is clearly a stage for me to say "Mooooooooommmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy!" at least one million times in a short hour long ride. No matter how many times mommy replies will I ever answer with any word other than "mommy" or "please." If mommy gives up and stops responding, I will just get louder.
5. All girls are nice. Not all boys are nice. Especially ones with beards. Unless they let me pet their beard...then they are cool!
6. ALL (each and every time) vehicles (of any shape, size, or color) must be Pappy coming to give me a 4-wheeler ride....I must start yelling "wheela ride wheela ride" so he will take me.
7. I am the seatbelt police. After I am buckled in I must tell everyone else in the car to "bucka up" safety first after all. :)
8. Freshly made oatmeal is BAD. But if I let it set on the table for an hour or so then it is just right.
9. On a related note, I do not want to eat breakfast the moment we get out of bed. I do, however, want you to MAKE breakfast the moment we get out of bed so I can let it sit on the table and get cold.
10. Shoes must be worn at all times....it does not matter if they are dirty....it does not matter if they match. I even like to wear water shoes while swimming in the pond. The one exception....when I am playing in the dirt....then I'll go barefoot. :)
And a bonus "heard this week"
We ate out at a local restaurant this week. This is a place where you have a waitress, there is a salad bar and kids eat free on Wednesdays (can you guess which night we were there)....so anyway, during the meal the Prince starts acting sheepish.....this is the conversation that followed....
King: what's up buddy?
Prince: Our waitress is pretty.
Me: Really? Do you think so?
Prince: Yes but do NOT embarrass me.
King and I: We won't honey (then threaten his brothers within an inch of their lives)
waitress comes back and leaves
Me: Kiddo, you are right....the waitress is pretty.
Prince: (wait for it): Well, she's prettier than you. (with all the "tone" he could muster)
King: No she isn't.
Well, at least he still thinks I look good. HA!